alrightinthebayou:

so apparently when my sister and i were little we took golfing classes and we got kicked out after a week. the reason being that the old white male instructor kept calling my 4 year old sister Maria “Mary” after she told him several times that her name is pronounced Maria. anyway, at one point, he tells her “well, that doesn’t matter anymore. you’re in America now.” and that distressed my sister so much that she hit him with her golf club.

that’s not what did the damage, though. what fucked that old dude up is that i saw my sister hit him from where i was standing and i ran over and started beating him with MY golf club. my mom says that i didn’t know what the hell was happening, but i squared up.

that’s why we got kicked out.

jackerlope:

“how will i explain gay couples to my children”

if you can explain to your children that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the north pole travels around the entire world on one night every year on a sleigh carried by magical flying deer i think itll be easy enough to tell them two people are in love

whitelivesdontmatter:

happy international women’s day 53% of white women voted for donald trump

antisleep:

someone: can u….chill…..

me: chill….hm………never experienced…that emotion…..

ekuns:

while i was in cracker barrel i heard a lady tell her kid not to touch any of their biscuits until they got home and the kid just went “not even god could keep me from eating these biscuits” and took one out of the container and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth

urbancatfitters:

me: [vibrating slightly because I had too much caffeine] everything in the world is my fault